Celebrities have allegedly been explaining how the best detox is to take money from idiots.
In a statement celebrity food blogger Andrew Coconut Fox said, “The best thing to do is identify a vegetable or fruit that doesn’t cost too much like onions or garlic. Then you come up with some basic health benefits like it kills microbes or something.
It helps if you can come of with some constituent of your food that has been proven to kill cancer cells or bacteria in a petri dish. Don’t worry, your average idiot will just assume that the human body works exactly the same as a petri dish. It won’t occur to them that alcohol hand gels are a sure fire way of killing bacteria in petri dishes so by this logic they should drink loads of alcohol to improve their health.
Then you find some famous person and sell it to them. Actors are really useful because their job is basically being an empty vessel to convey the thoughts of someone else. Plus, idiots think actors are really clever because they’ve played a doctor on TV.
The other advantage of really successful actors is they look great because they have loads of staff doing stuff for them because they can afford that. Don’t let your idiots know that bit.
You get your actor to make out that their lifestyle is entirely down to whatever your product is. Then you get them to push your line of that product. Its chemistry will be identical to the cheap stuff in shops but because your product is way more expensive and comes in a shiny box your average idiot will buy it.
Another useful tip is to make a lack of evidence that something works part of an elaborate cover up by some shadowy organisation. This makes idiots think they’ve some special knowledge when the real reason there’s no evidence HIV can be treated by garlic is that you made it up 5 minutes ago.”
The group have also revealed that people with eating disorders or body dismorphia are a lucrative demographic. Fox said,
“Clean eating was a fantastic con. Basically it’s all about control and feeling better than members of your core peer group about what you’re eating. This appeals to people with eating disorders and body dismorphia. It’s really great because you get to make them feel empowered and because of that they’ll thank you for selling them a cucumber for £4.99.”
