A rowdy press conference found our embattled Prime Monster under pressure once again. Finally revealing the true meaning of Brexit as famine, disease and war, questions were immediately begged.
“That’s only three horsemen! What about the fourth?” heckled The Guardian’s Pedantry Correspondent.
Mrs May, displaying numeracy skills learned at the John McDonnell School of Mathematics, claimed the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were,
“Death, War, Pestilence, and. the other one!”
A scraping sound was heard in the room, which was at first thought to be the sound of Rik Mayall turning in his grave, but turned out to be The Telegraph’s Bluster Correspondent pushing his chair away.
“All this time you have told us that Brexit means Brexit!” he screamed. “Is this yet another U-turn?”
“Not at all,” May replied.
“The lady is not for U-turning, so put a sock in it!”
It is clear that Theresa, once again, backed the wrong horse.
She attended the John Prescott Charm School, whereas most of her Conservative colleagues preferred the Academy of Slippery Slime, Hubris, Oilyness, and Lame Excuses (ASSHOLE). Mrs May is clearly not an ASSHOLE, though she could well be a Tory Without Appreciable Talent.
Before the conference could turn into a full-blown riot, Mrs May’s advisors terminated it with extreme prejudice and led the fuming journalists away to watch a screening of Apocalypse Now.
Mrs May was led away muttering,
“Under pressure. People on streets. These days it never rains but it pours. Give love one more chance. Love’s such an old-fashioned word. dum dum dum da da dum dum.”
