The Spanish King called for a deal on the status of Gibraltar yesterday. King Felipe VI clarified in no uncertain terms that:

“The status of Gibraltar, a 6.7km2 British Overseas Territory located on the Southern end of the Iberian Peninsula, can be resolved independently from…” *much coughing*

“The status of Ceuta, an 18.5 km2 Spanish autonomous city located on the north coast of Africa, separated by 14 kilometers from the Iberian Peninsula by the Strait of Gibraltar”

“Or in other words, directly bally well opposite Gibraltar and a Spanish concession in Morocco, and essentially the same ruddy thing you dissembling d*go,” the British Foreign Secretary interjected with his customary diplomacy.

The King riposted “This is totally different. And, as for that matter, so too is the situation of Ceuta’s largest sister city Melilla also in what some may think of as Morocco.”

“There is absolutely no hypocrisy whatsoever for Madrid to assert that these two cities are ours, and not Morocco’s, whilst continuing to give the British a hard time over Gibraltar. None. I, Felipe VI have the divine right to tell you, as rightful heir to Philip II, that you English are in the wrong, and if you disagree, I shall dispatch the Armada to defeat you and your Northern Irish Protestant allies.”

A recent survey of the British population confirmed that of the two, they would rather visit Ceuta, as it would be easier to claim compo for holiday sickness if you were next door to Morocco.