Lukaku is thought to be worth approximately 50m but has signed for United with an additional premium unofficially known as the ‘United surcharge’.
Lukaku’s agent, Rob Grubber explained “It’s coz they’s loaded innit? Everyone knows it. Threaten to sell to Chelsea and boom – they pay whatever fee you ask.”
Jose Mourinho countered the accusation that the purchase of ‘big unit’ Lukaku will mean ‘route 1’ football at United. ‘No way will our plan be for De Gea to hoof upfield for Romalu and Felliani to bundle it into the net. While you’re here, I’d like you to meet my new assistant coach, Ady Boothroyd.”
Lukaku said ‘I look forward to many seasons helping United to win minor trophies while raising ourselves to challenge for the final Champions League qualifying spot.”
In a blatant retread of the hugely successful Wayne Rooney article of yesterday, workshy journalists at the Rochdale Herald will be bringing in the same jokes about the two clubs on a free transfer to complete this article.
