Jacob Rees-Mogg, famous for transforming the lives of the people of North-East Sunwontset, has been appointed Minister of Silly Walks.
It’s believed Theresa May made the move in order to quell speculation that Rees-Mogg would continue to father children unless he had something more useful to do.
It’s also believed to be in response to speculation that Rees-Mogg was lining himself up as a potential replacement to Ms May.
Once the public see him as a comic figure, much like Boris Johnson, that should put paid to any chance of attaining high office and causing real damage to the country.
It’s believed £1.5 Billion has been allocated to the establishment of the Ministry which is expected to be operational by next weekend.
Circus performers, career drunks and anyone who thinks they’d like to have a go at it are to be recruited with no cap being set on pay.
Rees-Mogg himself will wear a top hat at all times while acting as the Minister for Silly Walks and swing a large umbrella in case any lowborn people should need prodding out of the way.
Further funds will be allocated for a refit of all pavements in the United Kingdom.
This is to ensure staff from the Ministry can bounce up and down and extend their legs in wild circles with no risk of hitting anything.
To this end light posts will be removed and bin collections will stop to keep pavements clear.
An aide to Rees-Mogg said he was in exceptionally high spirits and added,
“Jacob has been preparing for this role his whole life. His outfit, demeanour and attitudes are all part of an act. Silly walks will be the highpoint of his political career.”
Zero hours workers will be employed on minimum wage for Mr Rees-Mogg to walk upon to ensure he doesn’t scuff his shoes.
