Medics at all major NHS hospitals in central London are on tenterhooks hoping to be the ones to treat a middle aged woman who suffered lacerations while pruning the magic money tree.
It’s thought the wounds are deep and could well turn politically septic if not treated immediately with an end to the pay cap on public sector employees.
Major trauma specialist, Yuu Jus-Wait, spoke to the Herald about the case.
“We all live in hope for that special case. The real brain teaser. A Dr House type of puzzle. This is not one of those. This is a straight up case of political self harm gained during a frenzied attack on the magic money tree to pay off the DUP.”
Unfortunately the injured woman, who can not be named due to patient confidentiality, was offered treatment by first responders yesterday when a vote to end the pay cap was called in parliament.
“She had a chance to treat the wounds. Wash with an antiseptic fluid called ‘Tiny spending spree’ and dress with a bandage of ‘A little bit less hypocrisy’, but she point blank refused offers of assistance.”
It’s thought the underlying pathology may actually be a dangerous addiction to austerity. A condition that is also very hard to treat being derived from deep seated ideology.
“There are avenues of treatment available if the condition worsens.” Yuu Jus-Wait advised.
“These are surgical procedures performed at the ballot box in a general election. But that’s pretty messy and normally involves a lot of tissue loss to the patient.”
With initial treatment having been refused it looks like we’ll just have to wait and see what happens with the wounds suffered attacking the notorious magic money tree.
