Scientists have discovered that not all Tories are twats, but all twats are Tories.
We all know that Michael Gove is a twat. Even his mum thinks so. But there are more.
Take blond buffoon Boris Johnson. (Please, please, take him.) He can’t even pronounce the same word in the same manner within a single rant. Glarrstonbury, Glastonbury, potarto, potato. The dilettante dictionary dodger only manages to remember his own name because it’s on the news every night. What a twat.
What about android airhead Andrea Leadsom, berating Emily Maitlis on Newsnight for having the temerity to ask her questions, and then querying her patriotism? More BBC bias no doubt. What about the scummy mummy’s assertion that motherhood is a prerequisite to be a successful prime minister? What a twat.
An expert clarifies why ‘twat’ and not ‘wanker’.
“It is so much more socially acceptable to be a twat than a wanker,” says Prof Polly Glott from the Rochdale Linguistics Institute. “Wanker is a much cruder and, frankly, working class expression. As Winston Churchill once remarked to Clement Attlee: I am a twat, but you, sir, are a wanker.”
Theresa May has transcended the term ‘twat’.
Her poor decision making can be excused as mere twattery, but her rigid, brittle, emotionless persona, her constipated expression and actions, her shameless and shameful bribery call for much stronger terms. Like fitcliddler, spunnymunker, noun-broser, and even less printable spoonerisms.
However, not all Tories are twats.
Your correspondent has a friend who is a true blue, committed Conservative.
He has solid, intellectual and fully considered reasons for his opinions. He is intelligent and articulate, and not in the least bit a twat.
This theory is infallible. Just don’t mention John McDonnell.
