Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment.
“If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus. Let’s nationalise it,” he said to his minder John McDonald.
“Right on,” replied McDonald “and we can make all these security guards join a union.”
Corbyn said he was amazed by the crowd at the annual music festival. “There aren’t any poor young people here. I came here to hug poor young people and all I can find are rich, young prats and middle-aged hipsters with more money than sense,” he said.
“We really ought to be taxing recreational drugs, everybody is off their tits. Do you have any ideas how many nurses we could pay for by taxing all the skunk and crack that gets smoked here.” He continued “probably loads and loads.”
Mr Corbyn said that after nationalisation, there would be thousands more poor people at the event.
“I will make sure that tens of thousands of free tickets are made available to poor young people.”
I am sure the rich bastards that come here won’t mind paying a bit more and scooching in a bit to make room for the poor.”
Reminded that most inner city poor probably wouldn’t have Hunter wellies to cope with the mud, Corbyn said he would include free Hunter wellies for every poor person that needed them.
Meanwhile, in the city, shares in Hunters, manufacturers bounced 25% on the news.
