Government emissions today suggest the Prime Minister and her cabinet are struggling to respond to last week’s fire tragedy in a way that meshes with traditional Tory thinking, but doesn’t make poor people dependent on the state.
An aide to Theresa May related the latest concern, which is piled on top of an already teetering tower of unsolved problems.
“We simply can’t give the survivors of any disaster too much in the way of financial compensation.” The aide muttered.
“If poor people realise all they need to do to get rich is lose their home in a fire then they’ll start doing that, won’t they? It’s how poor people think.”
Instead the government is operating on a policy of a graduated response.
They offer survivors enough for a takeaway from their local Captain Chicken outlet, if that doesn’t work, offer them enough to eat at Pizza Express. But one not located in Kensington of course.
“If that doesn’t work we’re going to have to perhaps give people an Ocado voucher? But we’ll need to raise VAT as a result. And after that it’s start a war with someone.” The aide commented.
“A little war is a really nice distraction in the news cycle. It stops people worrying about social justice and gets them focused on which bloody foreigner they need to be watching beadily in case they are an agent saboteur. It’s a classic Mayism.”
Suggestions that Ocado vouchers won’t be much use to people who don’t have homes have been dismissed.
“I’m sure anyone resettled on the Outer Hebrides will be happy to swap the voucher for some food off a passing container ship.”
