Allegedly Paul Dacre rang round every Daily Mail journalist to ensure The Daily Mail created the appropriate coverage of the terrorist incident in Finsbury.
Simply saying that some idiot had driven into a crowd of people minding their own business was apparently not enough for the MailOnline who were quick to point out that Abu Hamza had visited the mosque previously.
As if this somehow justified a terror incident.
“We need someone to create a palatable right wing narrative for our readers!” bellowed the doyen of Fleet Street. “Where the hell is Katie Hopkins?”
“I’m over at Grenfell for a selfie and a victim fat shaming article like you asked for Paul,” replied the professional troll.
“FUCK, FUCKITTY FUCK FUCK, we need to establish the correct narrative on this before that cuck Owen Jones pipes up and starts influencing opinion. Get your shit together people, this is priority one.”
And lo, it came to pass, that verily they did secure a headline about a clean shaven white man. And yea, they did as their first act secure an interview with leading hate preacher Tommy Robinson. Their first responders ran bravely towards the terror incident to quickly redefine it as anything but:
“Clean shaven white man in traffic incident
A poor patriot today was distracted by a large crowd of muslims. Hurrying to his job as a building contractor, his van full of cladding, he swerved to avoid a plucky British cat. Scores of Muslims then aggressively hurled themselves at the front of his van, bringing it to a halt and causing significant criminal damage. Leaving his vehicle to remonstrate with the attackers, he cried “I’m going to be late for work, just kill me, why don’t you all just kill me. An appeal fund has been started for the self-employed driver who is expected to lose income whilst he is tied up in red tape over EU traffic safety regulations for the next few weeks.”
Sitting back in his leather armchair, with his first Scotch of the morning, Dacre exhaled slowly. “That, that was a close shave.”
