Arlene Foster has returned to Belfast after failing to agree a power sharing deal with Theresa May saying she won’t negotiate with terrorists.
The key sticking point seems have been surprising indeed. Unusually for a self-professed Christian political leader, Foster shocked May by calling for an end to Saudi Arms sales.
It seems the Vicar’s daughter replied she would consider the proposal but only after the King of Saudi Arabia had allowed her to touch the glowing ball that made Donald Trump so happy.
A DUP spokesman apologised for the lengthy discussions not resulting in a government and released the following statement.
“It is with deep regret we are unable to agree a deal with Ms May. But on reflection, if we have trouble working with Sinn Fein how the hell can you expect us to work with Theresa May?”
“We have been able to agree on many things. The Pope is the anti-Christ. Fine. Rape victims shouldn’t be allowed an abortion. No problem. Gay people are sinful and shouldn’t be allowed to buy fancy cakes. Whatever you want. We even almost reached an agreement that we all stop pretending the world is round.”
“But scrapping the human rights act, passing really sneaky anti-privacy legislation, selling discount price fighter jets to Saudi Arabia and taking the bereavement benefits away from grieving orphans is a little bit too much even for us. We might be batshit crazy climate changing denying lunatics, we accept that. That’s how God made us.”
“But seriously, we do not negotiate with terrorists.”
