Laura Kuenssberg thrilled her BBC colleagues this evening by announcing she was leaving Aunty to work full time for Theresa May as a political analyst.
Long regarded as one of the Prime Minister’s most loyal zero hours contract employees, Laura has made a name for herself by incessantly repeating the Prime Minister’s most fanciful forecasts of increased power.
An aide to the Prime Minister did admit that no one had said “strong and stable” more than Kuenssberg, but refused to be drawn on whether or not the rumours that Laura had purchased the sofa used in a sensual photo shoot of Ms May were true.
The only event that would seem to mark Laura’s record was when she once asked May a pertinent question about the effects of gravity on her posture in public.
None the less Laura has seemed destined for a full time role by describing Jeremy Corbyn as unelectable in scathing terms that seemed straight out of Sir Lynton Crosby’s notes.
But with reports that Fiona Hill and Nick Timothy have been dumped out of a black saloon car in a hospital car park, with what have been described as “severe self inflicted injuries resulting from the blowback of hubris”, it seems Laura’s penetrating ability to conduct post mortems of political events is desired now more than ever.
An aide for the Prime Minister confirmed the appointment,
“Laura has an almost magical ability to obsess about politics and yet seemingly know next to nothing about it in terms of its interaction with the public. She’s the perfect replacement for Fiona and Nick who couldn’t possibly improve on the dementia tax.”
Asked for a reaction to Kuenssberg’s promotion the BBC’s Evan Davis just smiled and high-fived Emily Maitlis on the breast.