The winners of the 2017 election are despondent today as they downheartedly celebrate their victory.
“Yay. Fandabby bloody dozey,” said Conservative Unionist National Tory Society spokesman, Barry Meenow, “The people have spoken. Hurrah. Unfortunately they did it whilst chewing pigeons’ arses and with the wrong set of teeth in.”
Meanwhile the losers were ecstatic about the result. “Ahaa haa haaa! In yer face, Theresa!” sang an inebriated Roy Oike, of Labour Associated Union Group, Hereford, “Strong and stable my rectum! Go on Jezza!”
The hung parliament leaves the UK baffled this morning as to who will form a government, who with and how soon before they can point and laugh UKIP without seeming callous.
“How’s ze strong hand of ze Brexit now, Theresa?” a European negotiator who asked to remain nameless said, “Are you ready to give us foreign EU types your strong and stable strategies yet? Mwahahahaahaaaaa!”
Meanwhile the Rochdale Community University’s Satire, Hilarity, Immaturity and Toss Society told the Herald:
“It seems like a shit result for satire when you read this article but it will probably be a flipping joke goldmine once Boris opens his gob!“
