Jeremy Corbyn has today promised to end the bloody civil war that has plagued Syria for the last 4 years with nothing but good intentions, a packet of Wagon Wheels and a pot of tea.
“When I’m Prime Minister I’ll invite the leaders of ISIS round to mine; I want to show them what can be achieved with pastry and conversation. A heart to heart over a cup of tea and a Family Circle Biscuit Box and I’m sure we’ll find some common ground to end this carnage. It worked with the IRA. Sort of.” Said the Labour Party leader this morning.
Hours later a video response was posted on an ISIS YouTube account, the translation is as follows:
“Western devils believe the will of Allah can be subdued through the sharing of Jammy Dodgers. We have suffered the bombs and bullets of the west; there will be tides of blood running through Westminster before we break shortbread with our enemies. This man Corbyn will be crushed under the Wagon Wheels of Islam. God is Great.”
The Rochdale Herald asked Mr Corbyn whether he was sure tea and biscuits will be enough to make Radical Islamists, known to behead and stone people to death, commit to a peaceful solution; Mr Corbyn replied:
“Well, if custard creams and bourbons don’t work, my mum makes the most wonderful chocolate covered ginger snaps; Martin McGuiness swore he’d never bomb another post office after trying one. It worked. Sort of.”
