Within the past few minutes the Walt Disney Company has released a statement confirming that Ariel, the Little Mermaid, was killed during Wednesday’s North Korean missile launch.
Disney provided that Ariel, who had been visiting relatives in the Sea of Japan at the time, is believed to have died instantly. An autopsy is scheduled for later today, though the cause of death is likely to be recorded as “despotic tomfoolery”. There are no concerns that she was deliberately targeted.
“It is with great sadness that we announce the loss of one of our most iconic characters,” said a Disney representative.
“Ariel, or the Little Mermaid as she was known to her millions of fans, will be missed by us all and our prayers go out to her family. Or her shoal. Or maybe it’s her school? Is it school? I have no idea.”
The U.S. State Department has not yet commented on the news, with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson sticking by an earlier statement proclaiming that “the United States has spoken enough about North Korea.” President Trump, however, is said to be furious and has allegedly asked intelligence officials to identify any North Korean cartoon characters who could be targeted in a retaliatory attack.
Meanwhile, tributes from fans and celebrities have begun to pour in across social media. Her best friend and Disney co-star, Flounder, tweeted, “Will miss our late night chats, u hot piece of tail. Can’t believe ur gone. Devastated!” Another co-star, Sebastian the crab, simply wrote “Maybe life isn’t better down where it’s wetter… :-(“.
Ariel’s long-term love interest, Prince Eric, is said to be “heartbroken”, though people close to the couple reported that Eric had never really come to terms with the revelation that he was having sex with someone who was half-fish.