Phillip Hammond, for now at least Chancellor of the Exchequer, has announced that in future he will “have a butchers at” major policy documents from the Treasury before reading them out in public.
In a short statement he claimed that the 2017 Budget u-turn – or Manifesto correction as he preferred to call it – was all caused by mistaking his “to do” list with his “abso-fucking-lutely never-ever sweet-fucking-Jesus ever fucking do” list.
Items in the AFLNESFJEFD not to do list include;
1. Break a Manifesto pledge in your first Budget
2. Undermine your own voter base by attacking them directly in your first budget
3. Try to get a hugely controversial vote loser through Parliament on a 17 seat majority on any budget
4. Brief against your boss when it turns out you have screwed the pooch and are going to be wheeled out as a pawn sacrifice
The “to-do” list was brief;
1. Try to give the impression you know what you are doing
It is believed that this list is still missing….
