Following the historic announcement by Pope Francis that Priests are to be allowed to marry, experts are saying that Catholic Priests are, for the first time, to discover what Celibacy actually is. And according to a leading expert, they are in for a massive shock.
“They are in for a massive shock” said Bert Bertwhistle, Emeritus Professor of Ecclesiastical Studies & GCSE PE at Rochdale Community University.
“For many Priests, up until now, Celibacy was having sex with a stream of Alter Boys before being sent on a ‘sabbatical’ to Ireland” he said. “For others it was ‘comforting’ recently bereaved wives or the daughters of the terminally ill”
“But now they will discover what true celibacy is” he continued “…its being a middle-aged married guy after the birth of your first child” he said, bitterly.
“Do you know what a Marriage Certificate is?” he asked chasing a whisky down after a quickly drunk pint of Stella
“It’s how the Government records the date of your last blow-job” he slurred”Well they are welcome to it” he concluded.
However, Cardinal Cormac Handsy O’Hanrahan of the Catholic Church said “It’s not such a big thing, honestly. This has been common knowledge to Priests across the Church for months now and no-one as of yet has asked to Marry a woman”
