In a shock announcement, the Founding Editor of this esteemed organ has declared it will be withdrawing from future coverage of the current White House administration.
Quentin D. Fortesqueue explained,
“The purpose of the Rochdale Herald is to bring up-to-the-minute satire to its slavering readership, sparing no-one and no party from its gimlet scrutiny and merciless piss-taking.”
“The Trump administration makes our attempts at parody and satire redundant. How do you satirise a so-called President who can’t form a coherent sentence? For example:
“We will have strong borders again, and I mean that, you’ve seen it in television, you’ve seen it on television, General Kelly, now Secretary Kelly, he’s really doing the job, you’re seeing it, the gang members, bad, bad people, I said day one, and they’re going out, or they’re being put in prison, but for the most part, get them the hell out of here, bring them back to where they came from.”
“I mean, seriously, what is he talking about?” Quentin cried, smashing his head into his desk. “Is he even using English as a language?”
“No. We’re done with these ass-clowns. It’s just too hard to parody something that is beyond satire.”
The senior Washington correspondent, Hugh Jack Spencer, expressed his disappointment. “Obviously I’m going to miss all the fun times I’ve had trying to extract something meaningful from the inchoate ramblings of the Donald, Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer. I mean we really had a lot of fun with ‘alt-facts’ and ‘fake news’. It was quite a cottage industry for a time, generating ideas for the NewsThump lads to steal and the like.”
“I just hope that by the time I get back to Blighty there’s still enough mileage left in Paul Nuttall derision to keep us up and running.”
