Dianne Abbott’s ex-husband has put to bed rumours that Dianne was merely pulling a sicky to avoid casting her vote for Article 50 by confirming that she does in fact often gets headaches.
“Diane often gets headaches” Dave told The Herald. “I was a bit surprised to hear she had one at work. She usually just gets them at bedtime and on Sunday Mornings.”
Commentators were dismayed that Ms Abbott couldn’t participate in the recent Commons vote on Article 50 because of her throbbing organ, Jeremy Corbyn, who she feared would have forced her to resign if she had voted with her constituents, let alone her conscience.
A Shadow Cabinet spokesman explained:
“Normally Jeremy Corbyn is all over this kind of thing. He has a lot of experience of getting on top of Dianne with his mixture of soothing words, gluten-free houmous and tantric massage.”
When asked why Jeremy’s mojo had failed to rise to this occasion, he said:
“I think she may not have responded well because it was the first time Jeremy had tried to use the whip on her.”