British Prime Minister Theresa May Friday declared her “sit down meeting” with newly elected US President Donald Trump to have been “a roaring success”.
“He succeeded in making me roar and together we succeeded in redefining the historical “special relationship” between our two countries,” she said, pointing out that the repeated mis-spelling of her name by White House officials was an honour not formerly bestowed on any visiting British prime minister.
“It’s that special,” she said, adding that the new relationship will be much more relaxed than that developed previously between George W Bush and Tony Blair.
Gone are the days when Britain and America will be charging round the world invading countries we don’t like, murdering and torturing innocent civilians Mrs Grey explained.
“Sometimes opposites attract, and our relative positions compliment each other perfectly, ” said Trees Are, explaining that both sides will be taking a relaxed approach to the relationship “Or at least Donald will, while I lie back and think of England,” she added.
Commenting on a possible wide ranging free trade deal with the US, to be implemented when the UK leaves the European union in about ten days time, Mrs Maytal smiled beatifically and said that Trump had promised he would give it his best shot.
He had, she explained referred her to his book ‘The Art of the Deal’, in which he advises ‘“Leverage: don’t make deals without it.”.
“I was happily able to confirm that despite the decimation wrought by forty four years of interference by the evil European Union, British industry is more than able to supply a full range of levers, handles, switches, sockets, grommets and even flanges,” she smiled explaining that Trump had appeared particularly pleased to hear this.
“He told me: ‘Treasure, I can see this relationship is going to be REAL special'” she smiled.
Separately Swedish furniture giant IKEA announced Friday that it would release a new range of furniture based on the work of British sculptor Allen Jones, whose 60s sculpture “Hatstand, table and chair” controversially depicted scantily leather clad women as items of furniture.
A spokesman for IKEA Dag Hammarskjöld denied that the new range was in any way related to May’s meeting with President Trump or her newly announced “special relationship” between the two countries.
However he did confirm that IKEA will later this year release the new “Schædenfreude”, Brexit themed kitchenware range consisting of one multi-utensil capable of being used as knife, fork, spoon, tin opened and tea strainer, a plate cum bowl which can double as a cup and wash hand basin, and a budget slow cooker working with tea lights.
The company also plans to release a new “Bölux” range of bathroom tapestries featuring inspirational quotes by Nigel Farage and a Michael Gove themed toilet brush and spare toilet roll holder set, tentatively named Ærswyppe, he added.
