There are reports that Donald Trump is struggling to find top acts to perform or present at his inaugural event.
The demagogue was able to confound the polls by attracting the popular vote of those only willing to admit their support in secret. Consequently no top acts will support him on stage.
Even Slipknot, whose masked identities are a mystery, have declined an offer, with one member threatening to hang herself if they are contacted again through their agent.
And in a bold move, Trump has gone over the head of his campaign team in another expert-busting move, enlisting the help of Gary Glitter, the well known British paedophile and one time glam rocker.
Said Trump “After Nigel Farage helped me, I knew another popular Brit would be a great idea. He’s a great guy, a famous artist, fantastic performer. We had a chat and we’ve got a lot in common.”
Glitter has dusted off the sequins and cobwebs from his wardrobe and told us from a secret location “I never touched those kids, they came onto me, I just wanted them round for a party and they took advantage. Now my name is cleared I can work on a comeback album, can’t wait to work the crowds again. How old are his kids?”
He’ll be performing “I’m the leader of the gang (I am)” and “Do you wanna touch me.”
With Trump’s “I know best and sod the experts” attitude set to continue, we can all look forward to a disastrous new year, increased friction with China, Putin running rings around the US by flattery of complicit officials, dumping of climate change responsibilities, aggravated tensions with minority groups and further unseen treats of bumbling diplomacy from a man no one seems to be publicly seen to like.
It’ll be good riddance 2016 and oh my God come back 2016 all is forgiven in 2017. The Trump shit hasn’t even begun to hit the proverbial fan yet.
