Women may not be as silly as we first thought, a new study suggests.
Researchers at the Rochdale’s Community University observed one hundred female humans over ninety minutes and found that a ‘statistically significant’ number of the participants were ‘quite sensible’.
The team, led by Professor Andrew Pumper at the Department of Women’s Noggins, used jigsaw puzzles to determine the absence or presence of silliness among the female subjects.
“Our findings were astonishing,” Professor Pumper said. “Traditionally, women have been confined to mothering, simple embroidery and talking about, but not resolving, problems. But this data could change all that.”
Pumper believes the discovery may lead to whole new approaches and attitudes to women, as well as opening up exciting new opportunities in roles typically dominated by men.
“There are currently eight women in the western hemisphere working across the sciences, politics and finance, but they have to work a lot harder than men and aren’t paid anything,” he said.
“Those that do flourish have promising careers cut short by pregnancy, and women can take up to seventy-five years off work following their first child,” he added.
Famous women in non-silly positions include the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel and IMF Director Christine Lagarde – although it is believed both were once men – and the Queen, who is neither a man nor a woman.
Other powerful women include the Williams sisters, whose concealed testicles, gigantic skeletons and disquieting domination of women’s tennis has raised ‘serious question marks’ over their persistent claims to be female. However, as the study makes clear, you can be silly and excel in tennis.
But it is now hoped that real woman will make themselves known and Pumper believes this is vital for our survival.
“Women don’t have testicles on the outside of their bodies, produce less testosterone and are less aggressive than our betesticled males,” he said.
“In an increasingly overpopulated and degraded environment, competition for dwindling resources will mean more conflict and war, so having women with power and influence is great news for Earth and the survival of womankind.”
“Although we should be prepared for a good deal more crying,” he warned.
