Today the government announced the controversial plan to tax all cat owners by making cat licenses mandatory.
The move could bring a much needed £89 billion in revenue from single middle aged women alone, with a possible further £200 from single men across the country.
The tax will work very similar to that of the dog license. Owners must complete a 12 page document with a fee of around £90 per cat required along with individual passport photo, fur and scat sample.
Dog owners up and down the country have been quick to praise the scheme believing it’s long overdue and goes along way to addressing dog and cat inequality.
We spoke to a dog owner Charlie Randle and he told us “For years cat owners have been walking around with a swagger sneering and laughing at us dog owners, well now let’s see who’s laughing. We all know cats are basically twats with whiskers. They do nothing, no tricks at all, I mean when did your cat ever fetch your slippers or newspaper? I’ll tell you when, bloody never that’s when”
A spokesman for the government explained
“Basically cats are the animal equivalent of lazy benefit scrounges, they sleep all day contribute nothing then fuck off out all night, but now with this license scheme at least they serve some purpose other then making divorced women in their 50’s feel less lonely”.
Those ludicrous cats with no fur will be subject to a further charge just because they deserve it.
