Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also the much hated spread, had any links at all into the cause of some people’s racism.
“It may sound like a waste of time and £60,000 of tax payers hard-earned money” said Professor Nidear ” but believe me it was nothing to do with the fact all the good research ideas have been already taken, such as Cancer research and stuff, I genuinely thought there could be a link”
The 18,000 page document apparently makes interesting reading with absolutely no connection being made between the family favorite brown sticky spread and being a racist numpty.
” I got the idea when I regularly ate my breakfast at Castle Cafe on Hill Street. They serve up a cracking full English at a damned reasonable price too. The guy next to me was covered in tattoos of George Crosses, Union Jacks and bulldogs, and he ate Marmite on toast daily and was a horrible fascist. The feller next to him ate Cornflakes every day and he was the nicest of people, Father Jacob McGuire, I think his name was”.
“You may think it’s bonkers to waste so much time and effort on such a pointless study” said a local councilor who wanted to remain anonymous, however the bigwigs up in London were always getting lateral thinker Edward de Bono to help out and he wanted to ship Marmite to the Middle East en masse! And nobody calls him an idiot do they?”
We tried to get a quote from the makers of Marmite but at the time of going to press Chantelle in reception hadn’t put that call in.
Other yeast extracts are available, and may or may not cause racism.
