Rochdale housewife Vicky Lucas has revealed the dichotomy she faces over her usual Saturday trip to Asda.

“Normally I’d go and do my ‘big shop’ on a Saturday, and with the kids being home from school and the likelihood that Creme Eggs will be reduced, today was going to be a bigger shop than most.” said Vicky (26).

“But given the USA’s MOAB attack on Syria, I’m concerned that Trump’s sabre-rattling, along with the theatrical belligerent posturing of North Korea means that there will be a vast nuclear conflagration before even my lot can finish off an economy size bag of premium chicken nuggets.”

“My Gran has told me not to worry, that it was like this in her day over the Bay of Pigs and that I can lay in a multi-pack of Muller Corners without fear. But let’s face it, Trump and Kim are hardly Kennedy and Castro, are they?”

“All in all, since it would be a tragedy to die with a large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter only part used in the fridge, I’m going to make do with popping down the Tesco Metro every other day and fill in the gaps with Gregg’s pastries until I am more sure that the prevailing brinkmanship of world realpolitik has abated to a more pacifist weltanschauung.”

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