There was surprise throughout the media world today when it was announced that Gideon “George” Osborne, MP for Tatton, would join the London Evening Standard as its new Editor.

Querying his lack of any visible qualifications or experience for the job, the Rochdale Herald contacted the London Evening Standard for a statement.

A spokesman said:

“Well George was the obvious choice when you think about it. He’s an ex-public schoolboy with an overpriced education and all the right connections within the entitled class. Despite a really mediocre academic and employment record he’s managed to blag his way into a series of increasingly lucrative jobs where incompetence is routinely rewarded at exorbitant levels.”

“As an unapologetic chancer, with a massive sense of entitlement derived from his father’s money, operating with sketchy credentials and no experience, and working as ‘something in the media’, he reflects the increasingly dominant London demographic. As spiralling property prices drive the working classes out of our capital, George represents exactly the sort of people who we’d like to imagine read our free sheet.”

The former Chancellor of the Exchequer, who has no previous journalistic experience, says he will absolutely, definitely be able to continue to fulfil his all commitments to his constituents (for which he gets paid £75,000 per year), BlackRock Investments (as a consultant on £650,000 per year), a US thinktank (£120,000 per year) and his lucrative speaking engagements (£800,000 this year) and still be able to muck in and run a spellchecker over some copy once or twice a month.

Sixth formers all over the country are now happy to know that all you really need to succeed in Tory Britain is a 2.1 in Modern History and a rich Baronet father.

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