Theresa May has said that refugees should settle in the first safe country they come to, rather than travel through several countries, and has been roundly applauded by other countries really far away from the war-torn areas of the world.

“Sounds a bit ignorant,” said one refugee “as the first countries we come to that she considers safe actually round us up and make us go to a different country”.

“It’s not because I am a bigot, speaking for a party full of bigots and pandering to the bigots in the electorate,” the unelected PM was allegedly overheard saying after her speech, before continuing:

“It’s because if they travel through lots of countries they’re more likely to be victims of trafficking and other criminals. I obviously care deeply about the welfare of refugees. As long as the sponging bastards aren’t here.”

Countries closer to impoverished and war-wrecked nations pointed out that perhaps everybody staying in their countries might be a bit silly, and that it was British, European and American bombs, arms and political machinations that were causing the problem in the first place.

“That’s a previous government,” May is said to have responded, “I want to stress there’s a difference between economic migrants – who we don’t bloody want – and refugees. Who, come to think of it, we don’t want either.”

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.