Liam Fox, who was sacked from the previous government for being a dodgy sod, has said that British businesses are fat and lazy and their directors would rather play a round of golf than help their country’s economy.

Fox, who is overweight, sits on his arse for a living, and recently campaigned to screw the British economy up the bum, was chosen for his government position to shut the 1922 committee up for a while. This despite his history of screwing the public with expenses claims.

“Listen, filling out claims of twenty grand for mobile phone expenses and misclaiming thousands and thousands for second mortgages is bloody hard work,” said Adam Werrity, who Mr Fox definitely doesn’t have, and never has had, any kind of dodgy secret relationship with. “You lay off my Foxy snugglepuss!”

“The fat bloke who looks like an advert for Greggs?” asked Charlton Stark, head of a Rochdale cheese exporting company. “He’s a member of my golf club!”

A spokesfibber for Number 10 said that “Brexit means Brexit and Mr Fox may or may not be representative of our views but we refuse to give a running commentary on our negotiations position.”

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.