Today, a small group of enochlophobia sufferers have spoken out to declare Britain is NOT full.
A spokesman for ‘Enochlophobia Martyrs for the Prevention of Trumped-up Yenta’ (EMPTY), today told us from their rural getaway somewhere in the Pennines, “Britain is not full. In fact, it’s far from it. Take a look around and tell me how many people you can see from here”.
EMPTY say they felt compelled to speak out following an array of shared posts, memes and visitor comments on right wing Facebook pages (which we won’t name because they don’t deserve an ounce of publicity) which seem to continue making suggestions to the contrary.
“It’s all lies!” said another member of the group. “Of course, if you’re hemmed in to a densely populated city or a high rise block of flats, it’s an easy and lazy way to assume Britain is full or overpopulated, but we’ve done a lot of reconnaissance and maths, and the statistics speak for themselves”.
EMPTY flew around in a little airplane over Britain for a bit and by using some clever measuring tools from the Ordnance Survey, plus a notepad, a pencil and a pocket calculator, they managed to conclude only 6.8% of the UK is urbanised and of that 6.8% of urbanised Britain, an average of 54% of it is “greenspace”, such as parks, allotments, sports fields, etc. And if you throw canals, rivers, lakes, reservoirs and peoples gardens into the mix (which account for 18% of urban land use), you’ll see 78% of “urbanised” Britain is in fact designated as “natural”. So overall, just 10% of Britain is urbanised and by discounting the natural parts of urbanised Britain, there’s almost a tiny 97% of Great Britain which has not been built on or lived on at all.
“It’s unbelievable what people choose to believe” said another member of EMPTY. “They just see some regurgitated old shit on the internet which predominantly suits their own agenda to express a dislike towards a particular demographic of people and they presume it to be true because they’re too bone idle and/or stupid to do some simple research by themselves. Then they just share it with other simple minded people and they can all hate and blame a group of people they don’t like for all the things they don’t like”.
He then went on to say, “Could you imagine some of these people trying to survive in the wild if they were told they could pitch up and live anywhere in the country they liked? They’d be dropping like flies if they don’t know how to catch a fish, light a fire or identify which berries and mushrooms are safe to eat – which [we suppose] isn’t necessarily a bad thing”.
EMPTY have a good point too. It’s like evolution has hit a high wall and instead of people teaming up to climb over it or break it down, many are making a psychological u-turn and heading straight back the other way towards singular celled life and for many, there’s only a short distance left to travel.
