In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services.
In the statement, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak announced, “Following the outstanding achievement of 99-year-old Captain Tom Moore in raising millions for charities supporting our amazing NHS, we intend to recruit an elderly lady to sit in a bathtub full of baked beans for a week.”
He continued, “Captain Tom had done an amazing job and it saves us a lot of time and money. The ideal candidate would have to be of a certain age, at least 90 years old. If she had a military background, that would be great. Perhaps one of those women who used to help land our Spitfires over the radio. Yes, one of those. The successful candidate will of course be permitted eat all the beans she wants and we wouldn’t even touch her pension. She could even bring her own toast.”
Mr Sunak listed a number of other plans to raise money including sponsored hula hooping by hip replacement patients and octogenarians with cataracts playing darts.
The Chancellor concluded, “These are just a few of the exciting initiatives we intend to implement over the coming months. We will continue to provide updates on our GoFundMe page.”
