The Foreign Office has denied allegations that a mobile phone issued to Boris Johnson when he was Foreign Secretary was found to contain 15,000 dick pics.
A Foreign Office insider, Ivor Biggin told us, “It’s pretty hush-hush but when Boris handed his phone in after he left the phone was taken back by the Foreign Office. Anyway, the lease on it expired in October so they took it to the Abingdon branch of Carphone Warehouse.”
It’s alleged that during an operation to refurbish the phone a Carphone Warehouse genius made the discovery.
Ivor Biggin told us, “They said there were a substantial number of photos of “Little Johnson”. At first we assumed that was some sort of lovechild. It turns out that they were all pictures Mr Johnson had taken of his penis and sent to women.”
The Foreign Office is alleged to be trying to track down any women who Mr Johnson sent pictures to.
One victim, who wishes to remain nameless told us, “I was on a subway train in New York a couple of years ago. My phone buzzed and I picked it up and there was this picture of someone’s Johnson. That’s American slang for Penis. Then I looked up that there was this grinning overweight mop. I figured it must be him.”
It’s alleged that the Foreign Office have been forced to pay compensation to Carphone Warehouse for the hurt and distress caused by Mr Johnson. It’s also alleged that the technician who found the pictures is undergoing counseling with dolls.
Mr Johnson denies all allegations.
