A 25 year long study of the people who habitually buy and use BMW 3 series has concluded that they are usually “unbearable bellends.”
Previous studies have shown that some BMW 3 series owners had a propensity for driving like a knob before they became addicted to the rear wheel drive German cars but in the overwhelming majority of cases became knobheads after they bought their first BMW.
The researchers analysed UK government data on BMW ownership since 1992 and found that many previously normal, functional human being became utter idiots on the road after buying their first 320.
“Obviously we removed all the data on pharmaceutical reps, estate agents, recruitment consultants and drug dealers. We knew they were all bellends before they got their first company car. We didn’t want to skew the statistics.”
“What we found was surprisingly that people in professions including the medical professions, teaching and charity work all became gigantic arsebiscuits the moment they got behind the wheel of their first ‘beemer’.”
“Can we put all of this down to coincidence? Admittedly we probably could, but that wouldn’t sell many newspapers would it.”
