In the wake of yet another mass school shooting in the USA the National Rifle Association have suggested that the tragedy could have been prevented if children were taught basic sniper dodging tactics.
Mike Ropiness, a NRA spokesman, proposed the idea this morning as part of a plea to schools across America. His hope is to be encourage learning institutes to abandon regular subjects from the curriculum, such as science and history, in favour of classes teaching basic bullet avoiding techniques.
Mr. Ropiness poses the question to media outlets, “How many innocent lives could have been saved if kids knew how to run in a zig zag? How many children could have been saved if they’d just been taught how to do a sweet bullet dodge like Neo from the Matrix? Don’t we owe it to our youth to make sure they have the weapons in their mental arsenal to out run unpreventable bullets?”
When asked if there were any alternative solutions he could see, Mr. Ropiness was insistent there wasn’t.
“This tragedy was the fault of one irresponsible gun owner who likely had mental health problems or found it difficult to speak to women or something. Perhaps if women weren’t so frigid then he wouldn’t have had to shoot people, did you think about that? We don’t ban people from having brains, do we?”
Although it was unclear exactly what Mike Ropiness was talking about he followed it up with the words “Prayers,” “Freedom,” and “USA” and the crowd seemed satisfied.
