A woman sitting on the roof of a runaway train full of burning horseshit has said she is “proving the doubters wrong” after not crashing yet.
The train, which is mostly full of burning manure and raw sewage, was last seen speeding at breakneck speed towards Central London.
The lunatic, screaming wild eyed at reporters, has vowed that “she would not be derailed” and will deliver an ambitious pile of blazing animal excrement for the people of the UK
Meanwhile, the Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has warned that applying the brakes on the train before it reaches the end of the line is “not what people voted for”.
Cabinet ministers are due to discuss their stance on what to do about the 10,000 tonne freight train that is due to smash into Paddington Station at 120mph and spread about a million tonnes of burning shit all over central London in the next 45 minutes at next week’s cabinet meeting on Tuesday.
The Environment Secretary Michael Gove told The Rochdale Herald that: “The EU would have made us put some brakes on that train and perhaps even a driver and where would that have gotten us? I mean what do train driving experts know about driving trains anyway. I’m sick of them.”
“It certainly wouldn’t have created thousands of jobs putting out fires in London, rebuilding Paddington Station and cleaning horseshit off the Dome of St Paul’s Cathedral.”
“The sooner we leave the EU the better so that we can start building a better and smellier vision for the future of Britain.”
