The United Kingdom was very giddy to learn today that there are just 3,617 parliamentary sex scandals left to be revealed before Christmas.
Santa Claus has already put the finishing touches to the naughty and nice list, and is reportedly feeling a little more soiled than usual after reading the Conservatives “Dirty Dossier”.
Parliamentarians have already started shopping for gifts for parliamentary aides and secretaries but most are now a little stumped with what to get them now that rohypnol and dildos are considered “officially inappropriate.”
“What on Earth do you buy your 25 year old personal assistant?” An unnamed International Trade Minister asked a reporter from The Rochdale Herald.
“If all the usual gifts are off the table such as saucy underwear, bondage gear, KY Jelly and unwanted sexual advances, what on Earth do you get them? It’s a real conundrum.”
Steve Dickinson, 42 and a half, from Rochdale added: “The countdown to Christmas has begun in earnest. We’re ticking off almost 72 parliamentary sexual assault and harassment claims a day between now and the big day.”
“My advent calendar has 1,500 windows on it this year, the kids are very excited. But to be fair they’re too young to understand what the pictures behind the little chocolates mean yet.”
