A laptop in an office in Rochdale has undergone a comprehensive software update without completely screwing up his owner’s day.
The laptop, which is an old Dell that has been dropped several times, made the decision to run the update at night and not simply gratuitously turn himself off for forty five minutes during the middle of the morning.
42-year-old office admin drone, Steve Dickinson said “I was shocked to discover that old Dell had updated his Microsoft operating system last night rather than during the middle of my morning, which is what he usually does.”
“It was pretty seamless and I genuinely wouldn’t have known it had happened if the update hadn’t disconnected Outlook from the Exchange server and screwed up my SQL database.”
“I’m impressed. It only took the guys who support our database an hour and a half to remotely reconnect my system and our email provider forty five minutes to get my email back up and running.”
“If they hadn’t told me it was because Windows 10 had updated itself, despite automatic updates being switched off on this machine, we would never have known. It’s a really clever and convenient system.”
Microsoft’s next generation of operating systems will be running state of the art artificial intelligence algorithms to identify the most frustrating moment to switch your laptop off for an hour.
The current system uses guesswork to arbitrarily pick a moment to fuck up your day while the next generation will use state of the art computer science to ensure maximum disruption.
