“It’s them Joos again!” exclaimed Noel Iteracy. “I hate Joos, except Orange Juice, they was a good band, but Big Country was huge twats and should of been banned innit.”

“Of course the hologram never happened. It’s a Jewish rumour to curry flavour innit. My favourite curry flavour is bhuna. I get a big bhuna when I watch gymnastics.”

“There are papers to prove it never happened. Like the Daily Mail. I like a daily male, women are too unpredickhating. Joos are dick-hating pussies innit. Pussies like milk not dick. I ain’t no animal lover.”

“It’s not my fault I done crap at school. I’m dyslexic innit. It were worst in Mr Goldstein’s class, he were proper lush. I had to have hand shandies under the desk. The words used to jump all over the page.”

“It’s all the Joos fault innit. I done crap, I done man juice, I done bum sex, I got done by the head teacher. I like head. I still mouth off about it now, cuz I’m angry like them birds.”

“I ain’t anti-semantic, I mean, I like man juice. Is anti-semantic even a thing? Like syntax. Yeah you should pay if you do bad stuff innit. That’s what the Police is for. Walking On The Moon. That never happened neither. It’s all rumours. I hate Fleetwood Mac!”

“Joos get paid way too much innit. Look at that Vanessa Felt and that Claudia Winklepicker being paid for chatting bob on the radio. Video Killed The Radio Star. The mind Buggles.”

Noel Iteracy is a graduate of the University of Life. Its motto is Chat Shit Get Banged.

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