Damon McIntyre of Rochdale was awarded a gold medal by his local community this week after managing a whole week without using the phrase “my iPhone” unnecessarily.
“It’s been a trying few years for everyone,” explained Muriel McIntyre, the lad’s mum, “Ever since I got him one for his 19th birthday he would say stuff like ‘has anyone seen where I put my iPhone,’ or ‘I will ring you on my iPhone later.’ I found it hard not to punch him.”
“It is a condition that seems to be more prevalent in Apple Fanboys,” explained Dr Ed Schringer, a neurologist, “you do not usually hear people saying ‘Ooh, I must have put my Sony Xperia down in the kitchen by accident, ‘ or ‘I shall text you later on my Alcatel budget smartphone Xr2 series,’ but Apple users seem determined to remind everyone that their device comes from a ethically compromised bunch of tax avoiders.”
The little known condition, named Smugits’ Syndrome, has often been misdiagnosed.
“Some people have been referred to me for constantly saying iPad but on further investigation they turned out to call all tablets iPads.” said Dr Schringer, “which is really just a symptom of being stupid rather than having Smugits.”
Meanwhile, young Damon is overjoyed at his recovery.
“It’s great and I really do feel better now that people aren’t constantly telling me I’m a pretentious git,” he told us, “I can simply ask people now to call me without adding ‘on my iPhone,’ and now they actually DO call!”
And fortunately for Damon technology can help.
“I have an app that gives me an electric shock if I forget and unnecessarily specify my device. So I can continue to recover with the help of my iPhoAARGH! Bastard!”
And it works a treat.
