A threat to riot if Britain failed to leave the EU on 31st October has failed after branches of Wetherspoons opened as usual this morning.
Would-be rioter Stan Still told us, “I was all up for it last night although, that may have been the Ruddles County talking. Anyway, I got up this morning and felt a bit peaky. I figured that Wat Tyler wouldn’t have cried off with a hangover when he was on his way to negotiate the Magna Carta with Henry VIII. So I got up and called in Wetherspoons for breakfast. By 10 I was 5 pints in and nice and warm so didn’t really see the point in rioting. I’ll perhaps do it tomorrow.”
Bill Board told us, “I’ve only come in here for some provisions and to see if anyone wants to come with me. Think I’m going to boo BBC Parliament and shout, ‘Bloody rubbish’ every time someone comes on I don’t agree with.”
The avoidance of the riots has had benefits that aren’t connected with the disorder and damage that riots would entail. A Spokesman for National Grid told us, “We weren’t sure if the grid would be able to take it this evening as thousands of mobility scooters were plugged in. Turns out it doesn’t matter as nobody is out.”
Bill Board told us, “I’ll probably have a go at closing. Might be a bit harder focusing on what I’m throwing a brick at but there you go. I didn’t fight in the trenches at Crecy for us not to leave the EU.”