Users of British Sign Language (BSL) have adopted an addition to their vocabulary.
This is a reaction to a front page article in the Daily Telegraph claiming that Manchester students were being told to ‘do jazz hands’ rather than clap audibly. In fact the University was promoting the use of the BSL applause gesture.
BSL expert Colin Sourdhomme told us “The new gesture is similar to the existing universally recognised hand symbol for ‘wanker’ but with two key differences. For the ‘Telegraph reader’ gesture the thumb and forefinger are clenched much more tightly and the associated wrist movement reduced to a vague jiggle. This is to reflect the tiny penis size of the Telegraph reader. We have accepted that the gesture can be used to include female Telegraph readers as the fact they read the Telegraph is the defining element of their existence and over rides any further criteria. The second difference is the addition of a further gesture. Almost immediately after the commencement of the initial gesture, the left hand is wiped across the back of the right as if removing semen with a tissue. After all, if they are going to refer to BSL as ‘jazz hands’ it seems only fair to call them ‘jizz hands’ in return.”
BSL have refused to confirm the rumour that they are working on a new hand signal for ‘Daily Telegraph writer’. The rumour originated after several people were spotted making such a hand gesture to Boris Johnson recently at a family dinner he was attending.
