Residents of the US State of Carolina have been warned to evacuate due to the threat of a category 4 visit from Donald Trump.

State Governor, Stiffney Audio Science Atlanta IV told us said, “We’re currently tracking this thing and we reckon it’ll be landing this weekend. A category 4 Trump visit will be the worst visit of an American President in living memory. The devastation caused is expected to be huge. We advise anybody living in Carolina to pack up and leave before Saturday when the President is expected to arrive.”

Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, “This year has been quite quiet for category 4 Donald Trump visits. There were 2 last year but this is the first. Overall though, this fits a pattern of increasing high severity visits by POTATUS. This is something that could become more prevalent in the future as the effects of climate change become more pronounced.”

A category 4 Trump visit is usually devastating for the area Trump visits. With flattened houses and huge amounts of flooding many residents are unprepared to cope with a full onslaught. One Trump watcher said, “Category 1 is usually a feud on Twitter then it blows over really quick. Category 2 would see a press conference where Trump just tells lies about an area. Category 3, you can expect a political rally or some NRA gun nut to turn up investigating child sex abuse rings. Category 4 is where the President turns up, takes control of a situation and throws canoes at peoples head. Category 5 would be so devastating we don’t want to imagine it.”

Last night a prayer service was held for Carolina with residents of Puerto Rico offering their homes to displaced Carolinians as a show of solidarity.

 

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.