“Wild” Bill Board, an American protesting at an advert for trainers was unable to get his shoes to burn today because the tears he was crying kept putting them out.

Bill, a man who spends an unhealthy amount of time online calling people snowflakes, “That advert is horrible and offensive. It totally disrespects a flag and an idea that many people fought and died for. A freedom that allows a man to be black listed because he happens to disagree with the treatment of black people in our society. I don’t pretend to have fought at the Alamo so Colin Kaepernick can be used to sell trainers to people. That’s why I’m setting my trainers on fire. Unfortunately, I keep crying so much thinking about the flag it keeps putting the flames out.”

A friend of Bill’s told us, “Yeah, it’s a really good protest. He’s already bought the shoes so Nike have the money. You’d think he’d be bothered about buying trainers from a company that uses child labour to make them but no, an advert was the straw that broke the camels back.”

Another friend said, “It’s quite amusing really that he tried to set fire to his own shoes. He’s not seen his feet since 1983 so it’s probably the first time in years he’s noticed he’s wearing trainers.

Bill now intends to go to his local Foot Locker tomorrow and set fire to that in protest at an advert.

It’s understood that Tommy Robinson fans are planning on a similar protest that will see them all set fire to their Kappa tracksuits on Saturday afternoon.