A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear’s “The Stig.”
The aim of the trial is to make both Muslim women and xenophobic man-babies feel more safe and comfortable going about their lives in public.
So far the results have been positive. An anonymous test group of women in dangerous no-go-zone Luton reported dramatic changes to the way they were approached in the street.
“The same men who used to spit at me now ask me to sign their neck so they can get it tattooed. It feels like a minor change but the reaction couldn’t be more different. One man offered to by me a pint of lager and when I didn’t respond he just said ‘classic’ and left.”
Local car enthusiast and amateur religious expert, Wayne Polyp, offered an opposing view on the strategy despite the evidence, which we will now tell you for balance:
“It’s not the same thing is it? With a burka it could be anyone under there; a terrorist, a paedo, a Remain voter but The Stig definitely isn’t any of those things. Just look at the way he handles corners in a Nissan Micra, could a terrorist do that? Sure he could be anyone under there but it’s bound to be someone cool, white and British like Guy Martin or Nigel Mansell.”
Scientists have found the initial results to be hugely impactful and hope to try new test areas around Britain in the coming months. They hope to conclusively prove that meeting the Stig triggers the same part of the brain in middle aged white men as it does when a young child visits a Christmas grotto.
Other suggested future experiments include dressing Jeremy Corbyn in a Gareth Southgate waistcoat and putting Tommy Robinson’s face on Halal goods.
