Donald Trump has announced that he’s no longer going to demand money to build a wall at the border between the United States and Mexico. Instead, he intends to spend a couple of grand to plant a Leylandii hedge instead.

A spokesman said, “The cost of building a wall is going to be pretty steep to be honest. It’s not really going to be feasible and it’ll take ages. Plus, it doesn’t really convey the message that POTATUS wants to send to Mexico. A wall is just an inconvenience. POTATUS intends this as a great big F-You to Mexico.”

Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College said, “Leylandii is a significant escalation between the two countries. By the end of Trump’s first term the Leylndii will have subsumed most of the states of Tamaulipas, Nuevo Leon, Coahila, Chiuahua, and Sonora. By the end of his second term we’ll no longer be talking about the Amazon Rainforest. It will be the Amazon Leylandii hedge.”

The policy change has gone down well with some Trump supporters. Lexington Georgia IV told us, “Leylandii will be great. There are loads of folks who are good at topiary. We can use topiary to show Mexicans what we think of them. See that over there? I sculpted that last night. That’s a nude self-portrait in privet. I can do narco’s, prostitutes, and gangsters. You name it I can do it with a chainsaw.”

It’s alleged that should the plan get the go ahead a series of 12 Leylandii hedges will be planted on the border by Thanksgiving Day.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.