Members of a mob that smashed up an ambulance as part of the post match celebrations yesterday were within their democratic rights according to Brexiteers.

Cliff Edge said, “If you look at the footage the majority of the people on the video are smashing that ambulance up. Easily more than 50% of the people there are taking part. I think you’ll find that that is a democratic decision. If you don’t like it then that’s hard luck. The people won wanted the ambulance smashed up. Get over it.”

Stan Still told us, “I just thought about Winston Churchill in Gathering Storm. I thought what Churchill would do. So I got up yesterday, downed a bottle of Brandy for breakfast, smoked 5 cigars, drank 20 cans of Carlsberg Export and beat the living daylights out of some Indian people. I don’t remember much else other than waking up this morning with a blue flashing light in my room.”

Another member of the mob, Bill Board told us, “I actually injured myself smashing the ambulance up. It was handy because a paramedic was on the scene immediately. They couldn’t take me to hospital though. That’s poor planning on the part of the Ambulance Service. They should have anticipated that we were going to smash the ambulance up and provided more ambulances to take us to hospital if we got injured.”

Cliff later told us, “That paramedic attempted to give medical aid to Bill. He pretended like he knew it all and told Bill that he needed to go to hospital. That was just project fear talking. If you’re against smashing the ambulance up like he was then you’re against the will of the people and you’re a traitor. That’s why he should have been hung.”

It’s understood that should the England team win on Wednesday then the will of the people will dictate that shops and bars be burned to the ground.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.