People with absolutely no connection to the United States of America have been inexplicably celebrating US Independence Day today.
Cliff Edge told us, “I got into work to be greeted by Janice on reception. She was dressed entirely in green with a crown on her head and holding a torch. If it was November I’d have assumed it was Mexican day of the dead. Turns out the whole company was celebrating Independence Day for some reason. We’re not even American owned. Our CEO lives in Staffordshire.”
Stan Still told us, “The canteen at work had a special menu for Independence day. There were burgers that they had called Philly Cheese Steaks, Southern Fried Chicken that was just the same as normal fried chicken as there were no spices in it. Everyone was wearing fancy dress as well. I’m pretty sure some of it was borderline racist particularly, that bloke dressed as Louis Armstrong. Also, the cleaning lady dressed as a cheerleader was a bit odd as she’s about 77 years old. It made me think of a story about Wayne Rooney.”
Stan went on to say, “It would probably work better if we had a national holiday on August 24th and celebrated the British Army burning down the White House.”
Cliff Edge told us, “The only authentically American part of the day was the angst over whether going for a couple of pints at lunchtime would mean we were alcoholics or not.”
Emma and Bill Board told us, “We’re inviting some friends around tonight for some good ole fashioned soul food and a barbeque. I’ll put one of those compilation albums on with American songs and we’ll sink some Bud’s, eat some ‘slaw and watch a ball game. Then we’ll probably spend tomorrow remembering that American beer is crud and Baseball is ridiculous.”
If you would like to join the campaign to make August 24th a UK national holiday then petition your MP. Imagine the sort of heart attack that will give Donald Trump.
