The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom’s post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified.
The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners as symbolic of the UK’s status as a sovereign nation. However, whilst the words ‘European Union’ are being removed from the front of the document, it is understood that the EU’s halal certification symbol will now feature in their place.
Home Office spokesman Gerard Healy told the Herald that the gesture would highlight the British government’s commitment to promoting diversity and shared religious values.
“Brexit is often portrayed as an attempt by ‘little England’ to isolate itself from the rest of the world,” said Healy.
“However, we have to acknowledge that this country is a rich melting pot of ethnicities and faiths, and it’s important that every citizen feels comfortable using their fabulous new British passport.
“This will be particularly important in the future, when they’ll inevitably find themselves standing in horrendously long airport queues and end up chewing on the thing out of sheer frustration.”
Brexit supporters have expressed outrage at the announcement, with many already furious that the new passports are due to be manufactured by a company based in France.
“My grandad didn’t fight in three world wars so that we couldn’t have passports made of bacon,” said right-wing mouthpiece, Darren Fudd, 39.
“British passports should be made from British materials by British workers in British factories, and they should only be used by British people on British holidays in British places.
“In fact, British passports should only be given to people who have no intention of ever leaving Britain. Unless they’re foreign, of course. Then they should be given one on the condition that they promise to never come back.”
The Islamic Society of Britain has yet to formally comment on the announcement, though one senior member told the Herald that they were “perplexed” by the plan.
“What in the name of Allah is a halal-certified passport? Why would you even think that that should be a thing? What the hell is wrong with you people?” he said.
“Oh, and whilst we’re at it, Muslims are not offended by the word Easter. Genuinely could not give a shit. We’re not big fans of gammon though. Make of that what you will.”
Meanwhile, Fudd told our reporter that he would refuse to pay for any passport that betrayed his “patriotic Christian values”.
“My passport is due for renewal next year but they can piss off if they think I’m going to fork out for one that’s been cobbled together by some jihadi-appeasing garlic-muncher.
“At least not until they’ve put the word ‘Easter’ back on the cover.”
