WASHINGTON – The leader of the United States, President Vladimir Putin, announced Tuesday morning that he had fired his Secretary State Rex Tillerson and installed former chicken nugget salesman and former CIA director Mike Pompeo in his place.
The ousting ended several minutes of disagreement between Putin and Tillerson. Tillerson was lucky just to get the sack rather than get garrotted or poisoned for accidentally suggesting that Russia might be behind the attempted murder of Sergei Skripal, or indeed the actual murder of Nikolai Glushkov, former CEO of Aeroflot and right hand man of Putin critic Boris Berezovsky in London on Monday.
Police have yet to rule out natural causes in the case of Nikolai Glushkov, who was found with ligature marks around his neck, saying; “It is completely natural to die when you are being strangled to death.”
“Mr Putin would like to thank Mr Tillerson for all of his wonderful service to America and to Russian oil interests. I am sure he will have a long and fruitful career.” A spokesgoon for Moscow told The Rochdale Herald.
“It is completely coincidental that two vocal enemies of US and Russian President Vladimir Putin have become terribly ill or dead in the UK in the last week or so. We would also like to remind you what happens to people who are critical of Mr Putin.”
Quite right too, nothing to see here.
Mr Tillerson received a hamper of assorted Russian teas, Polonium pound cake and vouchers for UK pizza chain Zizzis as a “going away present.”
