Theresa May has dismissed claims that she met and briefed Czech Wheat Supremacists during the Cold War years as a “ridiculous smear”.

According to a report, the Conservative leader held three meetings with a “farmer” some 32 years ago, and allegedly warned about a clampdown by DEFRA on crop circles.
But a spokesman for the Conservative leader said the claim that Mrs May was an “agent, asset, or informer” for any pro-wheat agency “is entirely false and a ridiculous smear”.

They added: “Like other MPs, Theresa has met farmers from many countries. In the 1980s, she met a Czech diplomat, who did not go by the name of Massey Ferguson, for a slice of multi-grain toast in the House of Commons.”

“Theresa neither had, nor offered, any privileged information to this or any other diplomat. And in any event the suggestion the diplomat had links to the farming community and had offered Mrs May the opportunity to run freely through wheat fields behind the iron curtain is ridiculous.”

“During the Cold War, intelligence officers notoriously claimed to superiors to have recruited people they had merely met. The existence of this bogus claim that Mrs May would have been caught in this “flour trap” does not mean it is in any way true.”  Mrs May herself could not be reached for comment, although one of our reporters got close enough to film this Theresa May footage (Prague).

The story in The Sun newspaper, which ran under the headline “Theresa and the entirely respectable organisation that shares our values,” alleged that Farm-backed intelligence officers placed Mrs May on their so called “Cereal grasses” list of British assets who could be relied upon to spelt any secrets, if offered the right temptation.

The Herald continues to follow the a-maizing allegations of rye-ing which we can barley believe and about which something oat to be done. Whether you believe the PM was merely a pawn or that she was skulking about at knight up to no good, this is black and white evidence of betraying the country.  Czech Mate.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?