A man has bought a rather large and very expensive television today.

It apparently takes up quite a significant part of his living room and is “almost as big as his cock, lol.” as he informed the lads group on What’s App.

“Seriously lads, it’s properly mental. Like the resolution is immense, you can really see the detail of everything. It’s insane. And the sound, well, I got a soundbar obviously but I’ve also gone for the surround sound system, as you really don’t feel like you’re in the film or the game unless there’s shooting behind your head and everything.” he wrote.

The lads are currently interested as they haven’t quite decided whether he is being a smug, flash prick or whether he’s just offered up his flat to watch the footy when they can’t be arsed to pay pub prices for beer. In any event, they aren’t going to criticise him right now, just in case.

At the time of writing, the man is uploading pictures of his television to Tinder, knowing that few women will be able to resist the lure of a massive telly when it comes to Netflix and Chill. Or indeed Amazon Prime and a finger up the bum.

The television is expected to form the main part of his conversation for at least as long as the finance package he took out to acquire it lasts.

In due course he hopes to also acquire a flash car, as “birds can’t resist a bloke in a Beemer”…apparently.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?